How To Overcome Performance Anxiety In The Bedroom

This video is inspired by a question I received from a guy who has performance anxiety in the bedroom and often loses his erection because of it. He says he doesn’t have the problem when he’s by himself, however his mind seems to be sabotaging him when he’s with his partner. Because I’m answering this man’s question this video focuses on male performance anxiety and how you should treat it, however the same concepts can be used by women.

In this video I go deeper into some concepts about the mind to help you understand why you might have performance anxiety, not only in the bedroom, but any time that you try to do something big. There’s a part of your mind that acts similar to a governor in your car where it tries to hold you back because it’s trying to keep you safe. This part of the mind is often referred to as the ego and it’s job is to keep you consistent with the made up story you have in your mind about who you are and what you believe to be a threat to that.

When you start to get anxiety during sex, it’s important to realize where that is coming from. Often times it stems from a belief about the meaning of what we believe is failure in that situation. Our mind is designed to give us the emotion of fear if it feels threatened, and when you think of something like losing your erection as being so embarrassing or that you’re going to lose love, your ego will trigger fear because it wants to protect you from that pain.

What’s the solution for sexual performance anxiety? Recognize that your state is just a pattern of your physiology, what you focus on, and the meaning you’re creating. If we tune in and shift those 3 things we can change our state. In fact, changing your state is the best way to get out of performance anxiety. When the muscles of your body are relaxed it’s impossible to feel anxiety. Shift your focus to your breathing and relaxing your muscles and also get back to focusing on what’s sexy about this moment. Change the meaning from caring so much about losing your erection, to just “I just need a second” to calm that saboteur ego down.

Understanding the mind in this way is not only important for overcoming performance anxiety during sex, but it also give you a lot of insights about the mind so that you can understand where your partner’s mind is at. Giving women orgasms requires guiding her mind into the present, helping her escape this same ego protector saboteur of the mind, so she can let go and orgasm.

I know this is a little deeper of a topic, but I think it’s so important to understand how the mind works. If you want to practice meditation to further understand the concepts of this video I recommend checking out the Wake Up app by Sam Harris. For more content from me check out my blog at

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